Eulogy of Quixotical, Reversed
by kerricarri
Summary: The first time Shino saves his errant Inuzuka teammate is the start of the breakdown of their team. It is such a blissful foolishness that he indulges his genin days in, but it is a Konohagakure he desperately wants to go back to.


Shino's perspective came naturally to me, for some reason. I originally planned to do introspective monologues for all three members of Team 8, which is the reason for all the pomp and circumstance of this fic's intro, but I don't have a knack for Kiba. At all

There are only three sections in this fic where present tense is used, and they are used for a reason. Otherwise, everything else should consistently in past tense.

* * *

Team 8 seemed to be born for reconnaissance. All three of its members come from three different affluent families in Konoha specializing in their respective clan techniques. 

Of the three, Shino is possibly the most well versed in those techniques, a collection of which is, naturally, a tightly kept secret. Experimenting ever since becoming genin, his control over his destruction bugs has grown exponentially and he's rather creative in his various usages of his companions, going so far to even develop unique jutsus just right for him. He has been acknowledged strongly among the Rookie 9 as a shinobi to look out for, and many are wary of his enigmatic and pragmatic take to his profession. But his clan only looks onto their heir with pride. His status, incidentally, is one that has not been loudly broadcast throughout the village.

He is their prodigal son, the heir to a throne that no one wanted. There are far more than duties placed on him, as he is seen less of a leader than he would have wanted. This is his inheritance: Desperation of a vindictive people stemmed from the simple desire to survive.

Kiba, however, while perhaps not as adapt and coldly precise in using his clan's specialty, makes up for it in developing a very close bond with Akamaru. No love is lost between Shino and his bugs, but for Kiba, his dog is not just his tool—it is his closest companion. Akamaru lavishes in his master's praise and friendship, giving him in turn a loyalty that he'll not retract nor never regret. Their bond is their secret to their success. While Inuzukas naturally gravitate towards their animal partners, it is still such a sight to see such flawless teamwork between the two. Not for mutual begrudging feelings or protection, but because they genuinely like each other.

He is far in line to lead the clan, with only his mother and sister acting as a buffer. His father, brother, uncles, and cousins that were before him are all dead. This is his inheritance: Fledgling responsibility that demands more bondage than his animal companion.

And Hinata, while seemingly the most weakest of its members, has an entirely different role that Team 8 depends on. Combat is a must, of course, and her Byakugan is one of the most powerful tools in their arsenal, but that's not why Hyuuga Hinata is useful. With an aching understanding of her life, she has a rare disposition, a jewel in that it is genuine. There's a side to her that's never seen save by few. Everyone knows she is a shy, kind girl. Outside of the clan, she is pleasant company, but one to be pitied. Her team knows better than to do so, and they've been rewarded tenfold for it. She is strong, strong in ways unimaginable to her clan, and her teammates cherish her for it. Her form has become flawless with them, its rigid sterility flowing smoothly with her pleasure. The training she's been given have been received, but it is her willingness to abandon such protocols to adapt, as a shinobi should, to circumstances. Her pride is a quiet one, but to drop the techniques she's learned her whole life in desperation to save a teammate's life, focused and determined…what kind of Hyuuga is she to have broken out of her clan's mentality?

She is the next clan head subsequent to her father's death, with no desire to do so. Alternately despised and pitied within the clan, she seeks refuge elsewhere where there is more kindness than the few branch members who don't begrudge her of her position. This is her inheritance: Pressure to succeed her father and lead her clan to further greatness.

The two males of Team 8 believe they are nothing without their third teammate. One they are extraordinarily fond of and cherish, even when it is not so slap-in-the-face apparent when one looks at their team dynamics.

In the beginning, Shino and Kiba were nowhere near being friends as they are now. The reason for this had much to do with a natural competitiveness among rival clans, along with inbred prejudice, ingrained pride, and simply the obvious way the two of them simply didn't _click_.

Shino, disdainful of the Inuzuka, was prone to ignore the boy, if only for that urgent yet vague sense of desired peace and quiet. Shino did not want to rouse himself from his private activities, only to be forced to acknowledge his teammate's loud and brash and _cocky_ attitude at all times of the day. He was many things, but patient he was not. 

Oh, you wouldn't think it at first glance. Aburames all seemed to be a stoic, dignified lot, though there were those few vagrant clansmen who insisted on bursting with illogical energy. Shino belonged quite firmly in the former category, as you can imagine. If there was one surprising fact about the most mysterious member of the Rookie 9, it would be that Aburame Shino wasnot patient. At all. In fact, his patience was a facade, a well worn mask he dons, making him appear to all who sees that yes, Shino was a very stoic individual. People tripped over themselves silly whenever on the off chance they actually see something that contradicts this perceived image of the bug user.

Which was, quite admittedly, almost never.

Ah, but we all know that behind that collar and glasses, Shino was actually holding back a long suffering sigh. Or maybe even an anguished expression. Maybe. Yes, any who speculates on this may dismiss it immediately, call it foolish! But does anyone _truly_ know Shino? Can anyone call him out on a bluff? Or even having that eighth sense (sixth is automatic in shinobi-in-training, seventh is for the elite, while eighth just should not be) that gives a person that niggling feeling that _Gasp. My Shino-Senses are tingling_! which in layman terms meant that someone could detect a hint of that special _something_ on the Aburame's face, usually emotions?

No, I didn't think so.

Except for his friend. Who happened to love to boast and preen holding such a rare and frightening talent. 

The 'friend' was a reluctantly made one, not even consciously, much to Shino's dismay. He was even more shocked when he found that he actually _liked_ this strange friendship that should not be. His friend bursted with excess energy and exuberance, had mannerisms that were bodily wasteful, and held the most idiotic ideals close to his heart.

They were not friends in the Academy.

But they were now.

Shino learned this through a most excruciatingly bad moment in his life. His feelings on the matter conflicted between mortification and outright shock. It was on a mission that Shino was given this realty check, and he did not relish his memories of it at all. Not like Kurenai seemed to, proud as she could be at the mission's implications. Or even their more gentler teammate, who seemed to have been affected almost as deeply as he of the aftermath of it. And the boy Shino could finally readily call his friend?

Let's not get started there. Shino has long since come to grips with the outstanding changes in his relationship with Inuzuka Kiba, and the general approval among the females of their team. And if Shino was honest with himself, and at times he brutally was, could say that he might even be a little _grateful_ for that fateful mission.

Fate. Hmph. Fate is for that upperclassman Hyuuga whom Shino abhorred. Fate was for fools who believed their lives have been automatically laid out and all the events in their lives have been predestined from the start. 

Shino cannot **stand** fate. However, for something as…dare he say it? _Life changing_ as that one particular mission, was it so hard to understand that Shino was in complete disbelief that he and Kiba became best friends? That Shino suddenly had an epiphany that stunned him to the core when he realized he'd stupidly _die_ for his teammate? Perhaps, armed with these facts beforehand, it was not so very hard to believe that for that one flummoxed moment of his life **Shino believed in fate**?

Fate was illogical and insipid and had no place in the shinobi world. Shino was a calculated person, constantly assessing the world around him, breaking it down into iddy biddy bits allowing him to ascertain _what to do in every situation_.

For all his smarts, though, he was completely taken off guard when he risked his life and the mission just to rush headlong into improbable and impossible odds to save the life of one Inuzuka?

Kurenai did not understand the undertone of desperation in Shino's voice when he admitted he was afraid of fate, his first inane remark after the ordeal. Instead, she beamed proudly at him, lightly chastened him for risking the mission but in the same breath praising him for putting his precious teammate ahead and possibly saving his life. At the same time, she was overcome with immeasurable relief of not only one of her student's survival, but also that her other student was not as cold and unfeeling as she'd thought.

Shino was not aware of these thoughts, but could've accurately guessed at them had he not been so distracted with how the world suddenly became skewed and strange to his perception. He might have been been a little angry with his instructor, had her relief not been so profound.

Hinata was someone who'd been terrified when the mission went horribly wrong. When he approached her much later to see if she could help him absolve this newfound agitation of his, she immediately starting to gush out apologies and exclamations of _why couldn't she do anything_ when Shino could act immediately to save Kiba?

Even more agitated than when he first saw Hinata, Shino knew his answers laid elsewhere. Knowing his female teammate as he did, though, he naturally said nothing of his irritation. Any sharp words of either retort or confirmation to her outlandish (yet characteristic) claims were unnecessarily cruel, not when he already knew she was beating herself up for it. Sometimes, Hinata was her own worst critic.

Instead, Shino turned his attention to the problem at hand. Talking with her and calmly and methodically eradicating all current thoughts of her perceived "uselessness" on the last mission, they parted. She walked away happy, relieved, and gladdened by Shino's heartening words (even when delivered in his usual monotone). He, however, came out even more confused than before and wasn't exactly thrilled that Hinata's current problems managed to be solved immediately in that encounter while his were still left to stew.

He knew when the situation was completely out of hand when he started to view Hinata in a begrudging, demeaning light. Ashamed, he was quick to reprimand himself. Hinata was _not_ excess baggage. Shino was tired. And cranky. Never a good combination with the boy who had so very little patience to spare. But that did_ not_ justify any negative thoughts of his teammate in such a way. 

Admittedly, he had done so quite frequently in Kiba's case. Shino was a lot of things, but he wasn't _stupid_. He did not want to give Hinata the kid glove treatment, especially when it was he who had been forced as the unofficial leader of their team, thus obliged to help a distraught teammate. But for Shino to think in his mind, however brief, such selfishly inclined, aggressive thoughts towards Hinata for not managing to solve _his_ problems when hers were pacified perfectly fine…obviously,** something was wrong**. How childish of him to resort to such petty beliefs, especially if fueled by his current turbulent emotions. Shino cringed at that thought.

The Hyuuga was a sweet girl with a humble, charming exterior. She did not ask for much, but it was obvious that Team 8 was her asylum, her elysium. If Shino could not do something as simple as keeping his wandering thoughts in check, he was wholly unfit to be the one to receive the warm smiles she offered him so readily when so many others could barely look him in the face.

It had made him frown during his pre-gennin days when he was able to easily figure out she suffered some form of abuse at home. How else could a Hyuuga have such a demeanor? Certainly not to be coy—the Hyuuga would not dare to stoop so low. Shino had been extensively taught of the other clans of Konoha, privy to resources not even the public library could take a stab at. It was, however, none of his business at the time. Best to ignore it, he reasoned previously. Still, it did not stop Shino's drawn, raised eyebrows whenever he saw her tentatively seat herself in the classroom. And always at the back.

He'd once been told a Hyuuga bred its children into mindless warriors—_puppets_, really—to uphold their honor, prestige, and influence in the village. If that statement was to be believed then Shino thought them rather stupid, stunting every generation's growth like that. No wonder the entire clan was so fucked up, his cousin-turned-Hyuuga-expert eloquently snorted once. Upon this revelation, Shino had to agree, no matter how base his description was. No matter how apt.

That particular cousin of his had an avid interest in village politics, but quickly turned his attentions in the direction of the Hyuuga clan, who saw them as nothing more than insects to be crushed beneath their feet. Not a very original attitude towards a clan who wielded bugs, even Shino had to acknowledge the sheer redundancy behind that perception. And his father had been tempted, more than once, to roll his eyes at such a _brilliant _assessment. If that backwards, proud clan had any.

That same cousin had gleefully 'tutored' Shino in all he knew of the 'white-eyed bastards.' Even their dirty little secrets were not spared, and Shino had not wanted to know where the Hyuuga women bathed. Although, his cousin admitted with a drawn out sigh, it was difficult to dig up any dirt on them because of their 'cheap ass bloodlimit.' Shino found he had to agree. Again. His cousin was far too charismatic for his own good, and his blatant bashing of the Hyuuga clan would one day get him killed.

"Then you'll avenge my assassination, won't you Shino!" his cousin had said with a most inane grin.

Shino nearly rolled his eyes at the memory; his cousin was far too _happy_ with the idea of 'death by Hyuuga' to be serious, but Shino knew he was deadly so. Sadly, he was also well aware his cousin truly believed the nonsense he so fondly spewed from his mouth. No self-preservation instincts, that one. Outside of the clan though, his cousin's sentiments would've reflected badly on them and would've made for some very awkward encounters in the village. Luckily, the idiot had more sense than to parade around his anti-Hyuuga views, for which Shino was fervently glad. Still, it was wonders that Shino was able to keep his views somewhat objective when it came to said Hyuugas. Somehow, he'd come out mostly unscathed from his cousin's rants.

And so, when Team 8 was assembled for the first time, Shino did not let on to just how much he knew of his Hyuuga teammate's situation. He already knew beforehand that she was a timid little thing; obviously, she would not aggravate him with her mere presence on their team. Actually, he was pleased. A nice, quiet girl who could serve as valuable backup, since he very much doubted she was assertive enough for a leading role. Even if the Hyuuga blood demanded it. Humble. Shino was glad.

Shino was unsurprisingly objective when it came to kunoichi, placing their worth solely on their skills alone, and nothing more. But even he was taken slightly aback by one Hyuuga Hinata; until then, he did not fully comprehend that she was not one of those strange feminist types that seemed to dominate their classroom and every corner of the village. He decided he liked the change, although he wondered whether her submissive attitude was _too_ submissive. Would it compromise the mission? Would it serve to hinder her? The team? These were, by the far, the more tamer of the thoughts he had of her.

Despite how drastically he'd changed his opinions of Hinata, Shino was still taken aback at times when he remembered how he used to think about her. True, his thoughts of females were rather objective, but Hinata's natural personality served to…color his views of her a bit. As well as how that affected her performance. He'd made assumptions of her, the one thing he swore not to do when the Aburame clan was daily made misconceptions of. Now that he knew the girl, his previous thoughts concerning her were rather cruel. He actually cringed whenever the thought of her finding out about them came to mind.

Hinata was not a fragile little thing, despite strongly coming off as such. Instead, she was a companion worthy of his loyalty, and a resilient kunoichi in the face of her numerous hardships. Problems he could only barely grasp in his head. True, their lives were completely different, and he wondered why they were able to work so well together anyway despite such differences, but he wouldn't have it any other way. 

Shino's bugs always made him sensitive to his environment. Coupled with his intuitive and shrewed nature, he'd suffered from knowing exactly what people thought of him. When he was younger, it was a serious problem as he had been struggling to become the ideal shinobi. A perfect shinobi. Obviously, that mentality combined with the mixed reactions he gathered from the people around him was not very healthy for Shino. Not at all. Not for a little boy experiencing prejudice for the first time in his life, but helpless to understand _why_.

Hinata's smiles were alien to him at first. And he found it incredibly sad that he took Kiba's character at face value, taking his insults and playful nudges literally. Human interaction was quite difficult to handle outside the clan. And Shino did not appreciate being thrust out into such wildly different situations. For example, being put on a team with two others who were part of their own respective clans. And even earlier than that? Being placed in the Academy.

And that was why he cherishes his teammates now. Because they were the only ones who understood. He cared for them, learned from his mistakes, and started to adapt a certain social sense when dealing with the two. An effort on his part that had endeared him to them. He may have come off as cold and unfeeling to everyone else, but to them…he, who was as quiet as a mute, was louder than the both of them combined. And they knew that. They knew that quite well.

Shino had inexplicably found peace with his team. A kind of camaraderie he was unfamiliar with and never before have encountered. It seemed that Hinata wasn't the only one who sought to seek sanctuary with her team those days.

Shino was tired. He could now greet his team affably, go out with them with results even more positive than their team training, and could say that he would not regret the day he'd give his life for them. Kiba was still an idiot, but he was _their_ idiot, and he no longer bumbled along in their team. Hinata was full of hidden potential, one that Shino had attempted to unlocked, to no avail. It was hard to admit, not to mention accept, that while Team 8 has done wonders for Hinata, it was nothing compared to the strength she showed when in the presence of Uzumaki.

Was Shino bitter about this? Not really. He cared too much for the girl to want to take away the positive influence Uzumaki had on her. Though at times Shino was chagrined to know that Uzumaki was just that hopelessly oblivious. It was enough to make him wince, you see.

It was ironic then that it was Uzumaki who'd inadvertently cleared Shino's confusion.

No, Uzumaki never did learn of Shino's problems. He simply overlooked his character in the grand scheme of things, apparently. Loudly proclaiming his dream and plowing through life in such a chaotic way had made Shino beneath his notice. It was not as if he minded so much, but it had occasionally irritated him in such a way that Shino was sorely in want of telling the boy off. Especially when Uzumaki had come back from a three year long training trip with a Sannin only to not recognize Shino, even mistaking him for an entirely new shinobi of Konoha.

Shino's mood grew darker with contemplation.

Uzumaki…was an extraordinarily dense boy.

Yet Uzumaki, in hindsight, also had the most extraordinary ideals.

And ideals were really what they were, when it boiled down to it. Shino had very little exposure to such beliefs via rantings, but he understood Uzumaki's take on it, balancing between shinobi realism and his own personal life. It was quite admirable, but Shino didn't know much else about him or what to think of that backwards boy. Well, perhaps not the little details, but that was where his teammate came in, didn't she? Hinata was observant, and her eyes saw things that older Hyuuga with far superior Byakugan capabilities could not.

Uzumaki wore a mask that spoke irrevocably of loneliness. It was precisely because of that that Uzumaki was able to answer Shino's questions and solve Shino's problems.

Well…not completely.

Hyuuga Hinata was easy to understand. Once Shino was able to look past all presumptions he'd unconsciously made, and unconsciously formed, her surname ceased to be a factor in her worth. He'd begun to see her as Hinata—simply Hinata.

Kiba…was a little harder. At the time of Shino's mess of emotions concerning his other teammate, Uzumaki had yet to come into play. It'd been two years since the boy left Konoha to train, leaving Hinata to painfully hope for the day he'd come back home. Some time before then, Team 8 had taken the mission that would change Shino's view of things. A change that was wholly unwelcome for all the trouble it brought to his life, but when Uzumaki finally returned six months later…

Shino realized.

Hinata's bright, shining eyes. She glowed with the fervor of happiness, unadulterated joy. It had been with dim revelation that Shino learned why.

No. Shino was not jealous of Uzumaki, nor would he ever be. But perhaps, if there was one thing that bothered him, even on a most minuscule scale, it would be that…Team 8 hadn't succeeded where it should have. Team 8…had not given Hinata that happiness, that hope.

Why did it bother him so much? It wasn't with annoyance that Shino regarded the news, for he was pleased to note that Hinata seemed more upbeat after the village pariah returned, so what exactly was the problem?

He'd started to regard _her_ as his friend. It was startling to learn.

"What do you see in Uzumaki?" he'd asked her once. He had been morbidly curious to know.

Blushing, she replied softly, "He never…_ever_ gives in to the hate. I…I would love to emulate that quality, and I wish he could see that, but…"

Shino leaned closer. "…But what?"

Hinata's blush died down in solemn, sober knowledge. "But we are not friends, he and I, and I…I want to be able to talk to him, to stay by his side…to listen to his troubles—t-too be his friend!" Her eyes were sad, and her trembling could be faintly seen in her hands as they clutched at her jacket.

Shino straightened, feeling a vague sense of disappointment, but not knowing why. "I see." He felt compelled to add, "I will be going now."

"W-what? Shino-kun, you don't have to! W-was it something I said?" Ah. There was the Hinata he knew. Flustered, stuttering Hinata. Yet the sudden familiarity of it made his displeasure greaten.

"You want Uzumaki, not me. If it's comfort you seek, then I'm a poor choice indeed."

"N-no! No, that's not it, Shino-kun! I—!" She stopped, dropping her head. "That's not what I meant. Naruto-kun…he is so distant to me. His life and mine are so detached, and yet you…"

He stilled.

Her head snapped up and she exclaimed, "Yet _you _are the only one who sees me!"

It was then that Shino learned what exactly his quiet offers of companionship meant to her, his most suffering teammate.

And he was glad. Glad that his presence meant something, glad that his strained courage unknowingly brought worth to him, glad that Hinata was his friend.

She blushed then, for a completely different reason than before. "Oh! I'm so sorry…yelling things like that at you…" She looked endearingly helpless, almost cute in her sincerity.

"Hinata," he said firmly, which silenced her immediately. She looked frightened, looking badly like she wanted to flee. But Shino had no intention of driving her away.

He tilted his head, enough for the barest glimpse of his smile. "With you…I am more than just content to be with a teammate. For the first time, I realize it's not for the sake of a team."

Stunned, Hinata stared at him, mouth opening slightly in shock. And Shino felt ridiculously pleased that she knew the significance of that statement—that she _understood._

That his shaky, unconscious efforts were not in vain. That his instinctive, desperate outstretched hands were reciprocated in the end.

And she smiled, beatifically, face gentled into one of the sweetest expressions he'd seen on her. Thank you, she mouthed, and her wordless gesture made something rush through him.

It was the first time he let his guard down with anyone beyond family.

However, despite how surprising the revelation was, that the words he spoke to her was the sheer, unadulterated truth, it had nothing on what he would come to realize about Kiba. Of what a lonely, blue eyed blond would come to teach Shino about bonds.

Because what Shino refused to consider were the implications behind his act in saving Kiba. Such an illogical, irrevocable action of stupidity surely was not an act of an Aburame. Surely, Shino's body did not move on its own before his mind could even comprehend what his heart was screaming for him to do. Certainly, Shino could not have possibly been willing to sacrifice himself for an _Inuzuka_?

Why Kiba? Why did he have to have found out what a perilous situation Kiba put him in _that way_? And why couldn't he deny the tiny part of him that was relieved?

Shino did not understand. That did not mean he was stupid; he was disenchanted.

Hyuuga Hinata, he understood. In fact, he welcomed the tentative friendship they'd struck so long ago, and it proved quite fortuitous as she had become an irreplaceable part of his life. He could not imagine a day where he did not look forward to seeing the Hyuuga to simply enjoy the close relationship the two shared.

But…Kiba?

Shino did not understand. Not even to this day.

There was nothing remotely flattering about the boy. They were opposites in every way, their common point only truly being Hinata. There was no love lost between Shino and Kiba and, on most days, it was all Kurenai can do to keep the two in check when they were put in a room together, even with Hinata being another mediator, and yet…

"Why?" chokes Kiba. The jounin's hands shakes and they clutch at his teammate's lapels; Shino's coat is so torn, his collar lies limp against his chest in pieces. The Aburame's glasses has long since cracked, its mangled frames hangs barely off of his face.

His face is uncovered.

Shino stubbornly looks towards the sky, noting it is a cloudy, muggy day, despite the fact he has no eyes. Not anymore. But it does nothing to hinder his hearing, but for a moment he wishes it did. Because beyond the sound of Kiba's efforts, Shino can hear the cacophony of death in the background.

Shino does not understand. Not even as he lies there, dying, reminiscing of the past and pondering the bonds he'd forged for himself in his lifetime. Civilians die peaceful deaths and when they die their life flashes before their eyes; shinobi do not have such luxuries.

So instead, Shino contemplates. He contemplates the life he's had, for what else is there to do in the face of his death?

According to his bugs' weakening communication, Kiba is staring straight at Shino, at his empty sockets where should have been, at least. Yet, even with his insects reporting this, Shino can tell anyways; Kiba's desperation and grief allows Shino to sense his very gaze.

"Shinobi do not show emotions," Shino wants to yell, but doesn't. At a time like this, he believes his teammate needs all the reassurances he can get, even in the form of familiarity. But Shino, who has for so long depended on his coat and glasses to hide what he really feels, could not hold back a weak grin.

It is a ludicrous action in the midst of a ludicrous situation; Kiba is not amused.

"Shino!" said boy snaps. "What the hell are you smirking for? Well, _fuck_. This situation is just peaches and cream, but you're not helping me here!"

Shino does not understand. The world burned in agony in the Fourth Great War, ushered in by the now complete Akatsuki, the skies ripping open in screaming lights as the lands blackened with war and ran red with blood. There are no great shinobi countries, not anymore. Konohagakure clings to this earth in the midst of this newfound terror and chaos, and the rest of the world claws at survival like the last dredges of time.

Time no one had.

Shino wonders if his grin really is as weak as Kiba implies. It now appears to be a smirk. "Hinata wouldn't want to see you dead. Saving me will not serve anyone any good." His words are jerky, terse, articulate, a voice pattern anyone familiar with Shino can vouch for, but there is something terribly wrong with it even when monotone is muted.

Only Kiba's genetically enhanced hearing can pick up such whispers, and even then he had to forcibly cut out the screams of the background in order to do so. Only Kiba's sheer will can ensure such a thing. Only Kiba's desperation can drive him to tears at the sight before him.

He knows he cannot save his friend.

Shino can tell all these things because he is still a shinobi, first and foremost, even lying at his deathbed.

Predicable as always, and none of the tact and calculation that was still notably absent, Kiba is the same person he met so many years ago. Shino dimly wonders whether he should take this as a source of comfort, since it is so _Kiba_, or that should he be worried that Kiba still is a backwards shinobi as ever?

Shino does not think of his slow in coming death.

Admittedly, he does wonder why he isn't dead yet.

"_Shut the fuck up_!" Kiba roars. "What the hell do you know what she would want or not? What she _wouldn't_ want is to see you die here! So stop lying there, you damn Aburame, and get up!"

"Idiot," Shino rasps. "In…sipid…fool. Why are you still here?"

"Why did you fucking _save _me," Kiba counters, but his anger already has started to cool; he cannot stay angry at a dying man. His hands moves rapidly as he futilely tries to do a medic's job.

A grimace, and his response would've been sharp had he not been so weakened. "You never…d-did do anything right."

Kiba laughs at that, and not a little hysterically. "Yeah, well, I guess you're right, Shino—I mean, what am I _supposed_ to think now? Why can't you just look out for your own damn self, huh! W_here's that goddamn cool you've always depended on?_"

Shino does not understand. What Shino doesn't understand, what he _cannot_ understand, even to this day, is why can't Kiba see what Shino has known since they've become chunnin?

Finally, Shino looks straight at Kiba's face, a gesture more than anything else, and said what the long dead Uzumaki has taught him so long ago.

"Don't you get it, Kiba, that after Hinata died you're the only reason why I'm still alive?"

The clan head of a dead people, Aburame Shino eyes his best friend with a fervor that has never been present in him before. Heedless to the frantic screeching of the destruction bugs around them, Kiba screams.

"_I know that! _I know _all of that! _You fucking _asshole_! Why do you think I'm trying to save your sorry ass! I need you—damn it, Shino, _I need you alive_! Don't be a goddamn fucking selfish _bastard _and die on me! Not when I just get you _fucking back_!" Hot tears swarms his vision and he barely catches Shino's faint smile. "Where the hell is Akamaru? A-and what about _Hinata_? Kurenai-sensei! What the fuck am I without you guys—what's the point of being friends if you go and pull off _shit like this_!"

"I can't…believe it took you eight years to admit…that," is Shino's whisper. He pauses, and eyelids slowly close. "But then…I'm not much better, am…I?"

Eyes widening, Kiba stills. "Sh…Shino?" Leaning over, he trembles and peers disbelievingly at Shino's face. "No way…S-Sh…_Shino_….no way…!"

Shino does not understand. He does not understand why it has taken him so long to admit that Inuzuka Kiba has been his dearest friend. He does not know why he'd been so hesitant to do so.

He does not understand. Why doesn't Kiba see…?

"_SHINO_!"

But he did. Kiba did see. Even if the idiot had the lousiest timing ever, Shino finally understood. It'd been eight years since Shino first threw himself recklessly in harm's way for Kiba's sake. Kurenai was glad for such an action, knowing, even before Shino did, what compelled him to save Kiba's life. Yet the Aburame had been confused. But no more.

History repeated itself. And the Aburame clan was a patient, calculating clan. But Shino had no patience, and he had done no calculations. Just as he kept Kiba from being killed on their first chunnin mission, so had the Inuzuka done the same for him.

No patience. No calculation. Shino no longer considered himself an Aburame, for they were long dead, destroyed in the War. No, Shino…Shino was nothing more than a man who struggled to live for the sake of others, but he was sick, and he was tired, and he just wanted an end to his story.

But Shino was a shinobi first and foremost. And before that, he was a shinobi of Konohagakure.

Yet, his straggling village be damned, his team would always come first.

Kurenai died to protect her three years old son, the one the father never got to see. It was a death that occurred right before the start of the War, and Team 8 had peace with the knowledge that their sensei never experienced the horror of the new Great War. Her son was quickly adopted by the remaining members of their team, but was killed as Konoha was laid sieged upon in the fourth year of the War. 

Hinata led the Hyuuga clan out of the rising chaos and directed them alongside Rokudaime Hokage. They were a broken people from the start, destroying themselves from the inside out even when the heiress was a child. She took control and forced their survival to come to light. But she was a terrified clan head, and only Shino could attest to that because it was only in Shino that she confided her fears in. She died trying to protect their empty husk of a Hokage after his bijuu had been extracted at the height of the War, and the Hyuugas fell utterly apart without her. After all, Hanabi had died brutally during the second greatest invasion attempt early on in the War, while Neji had been sent to the front lines with her, managing to take down two Akatsuki in one battle before succumbing to his death. And not even Shino could begrudge them of the respect they deserved.

Akamaru proved his loyalty's worth by sacrificing himself for Kiba. And it had been recent. No one ever mentioned the dog's name after that.

And now…him. Aburame Shino. With a searing cynical view of the world, and the experiences of his loved ones' deaths, he hardly gave a damn about the War. It was now nothing more than a race of who could kill the other first, and he only wanted to make them suffer. As a youth, he'd been hailed as a prodigy, albeit it was kept within the clan. However, before Godaime Tsunade died, even she praised his skills as a tactical leader. Secretly working with the now deceased Nara was interesting, in the least, and it gave Konoha a cutting edge advantage in battles. Shikamaru, with all his brilliance, had made the most efficient and beneficial plans constructed to succeed in as little time as possible. Every move the Nara had made was purposeful and measured for maximum result yield.

Shino was a little…different.

He'd been absolutely _ruthless_. And it was that ruthlessness that was held in high regard, even if, officially, the people preferred Shikamaru's passive, defensive front. After all, Shino reflected what the people wanted for they, too, wanted the other side to _suffer_.

It was not lost on Shino that even someone as taciturn as Nara had been leery of using his methods. 

With the continual deaths of those close to him, and his clan falling to pieces at his ears, Shino was no longer the vaguely threatening, non assuming boy at the back of the classroom, lights glinting mysteriously off his frames. As Kiba watched, helpless, the change his friend went through throughout the years, he had become even more reckless, even more idiotic, in his desperation to save Shino.

But no one could save him, and most of all, Shino wanted no one to save him. He willingly walked his path, forging a cold reputation that scared enemies shitless, and steadfastly ignored that niggling sense of _wrong_. But Shino was Shino and so he ignored it. Not even the slight hesitance to visit Hinata's grave could keep him away from the person he molded for himself, the duty that was attached with. 

Besides, Morino Ibiki was getting old, and he had been in want of an apprentice for some years then.

By the time Year Eight of the Fourth Great War approached, nearly a year ago, Kiba no longer sought out Shino. He no longer wore that ready, easy smile. And Shino no longer waited for his approach. He no longer bothered using his bugs to keep tabs on his so-called 'allies' anymore. Not for protection. And certainly not for nostalgic reports in the form of simple minded, telepathic chatter.

Konoha no longer had a a figurehead in the form of a Hokage. Instead, the council grew in power and became a collective, united front. They were the ones who controled the once proud but now broken Hidden Village of Leaves; Rokudaime Hokage was the last of the Hokages.

But there were downfalls to having so much power vested in the hands of few.

Kazekage-sama was fiercely against this policy, for he believed that a single leader was required to lead a people, to make them strong and united together as one, as he has done himself and as a blond jinchuuriki had once done himself. Village machinations at the hands of a council, with their own interests in mind, had done nothing but weaken the already weakening Konohagakure. But it was also a widely known fact that the current Kazekage never recovered from the Rokudaime's death, and so his rallies went unheard in the Land of Fire.

But Shino could have cared less about any of this; he was just doing his job. But it did very little to rid him the fierce aching for times that no longer was. It didn't do much to stop last glimpses of Hinata's face in his mind's eye—that passionate and tear faced girl, desperate to save her love. And it was completely useless in the matters of quiet wonderment at how they all could have been so young once, how they could have been so all naïve.

There was a secret he kept. A secret that no one knew. And he wasn't going to be revealing it anytime soon.

Dying wasn't so bad, after all. Being taken away from all this death—it wasn't such a bad thought. A wistful idea, really, dying.

Shino's secret was one such fact that no one would bother looking too deeply into, and that was just how he'd have wanted it. For no one to know. For no one to _realize_. Because the idea that if someone were to be able to _understand_ then they would be able to know something that even Shino was fearful of.

Dying wasn't so bad, he would've admitted wistfully. The pain was there—but the relief was overwhelmingly great.

Because though Shino was dead, there was a barest flicker of thought that went through his head before he died.

He was human, after all. And he could _feel_. The cliché that one's life flickered before one's death was a terrible thought for a shinobi—who would want to see a rerun of their life? But Shino found himself regarding, strangely enough, that cliché with a rare fondness and slight nostalgia.

He was human, after all. And he could _feel_.

And he is glad.

"…_Shino_…!"

Through half-lidded eyes, he sees pale hands grasp his own.

"_Shino_…"

The warm, firm hands that grips his shoulders now feels oddly familiar.

"_Shino!_" Collective voices, gleeful in this blank nothingness resembling Konoha…?

He half-turns, crooked curve of his lips wry on his face.

…

"I'm home."

* * *

Poor Kiba, he's still stuck in the last 'Konoha.' He's all alone. He doesn't even have his dog with him. :'/ The Fourth Great War is this fic's fictional war involving Akatsuki vs. World. That Tobi is so crazy. You'll recall that Kakashi Gaiden happened during the Third Great War, and kickass Chiyo-baa was in the Second. 

The idea of 'this' Konoha and 'that' Konoha was influenced from the kick ass, morbid funfair of an anime "Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Kai." Fun stuff, guys! You have rural high school girls chopping each other to bits with a variety of funny weapons and a guy with a smashing baseball bat.

Otherwise, thanks for reading!


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